words words words

White-Trashcapades

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 23:03:28 GMT

So the neighbors behind me are fighting. No, not just fighting, screaming at the top of their lungs-- sounds like 20ish or 30ish aged guys who are yelling to the point that their little voices are cracking. "Fight me, bitch!" "the cops are looking for you, not me" "where were you when they dragged me out of the bar last night?" and "hiding in another parking lot like you always do" were some of the loudest things I could hear from my LIVINGROOM. Which, as is typical, is at the front of my house.

Hehehe. It's so pathetic that it is kind of cute. "Step off man, come on" "put me to sleep! c'mon put me to sleep!" HAHAHAH

oh man, time for some mac and cheese

No School

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 21:36:16 GMT

Two days of school cancelled in a row. This is just fantastic. And tomorrow is still up in the air. WHOOPIE!

much better

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 22:56:42 GMT

All the hubub from last week is under control/over. =) I'm glad I used this journal to rant and get it out of my system-- that made it much easier for me to be calm/adult/productive when it came to handling it at work.

The snow keeps coming-- they say only about an inch tonight, but I'm hoping for a miracle ***SNOWDAY*** anytime this week would be good. Preferably tomorrow.

You know how the washingmachine broke this weekend? Well the new one is out in the driveway. It won't fit in the side door. Naturally we think it's a good idea to fight the washingmachine-through-the-door battle at dusk during a snow shower. In retrospect it would have been easier to re-wear old underwear until a thaw, but hindsight is 20/20 after all.

Can I tell you how killa stoked I am to teach Of Mice and Men to the babies? We start the actual reading of chapter one tomorrow. WOOOHOO! Novels at long last! =)

My new group of seniors seems like a pretty fun bunch, but wheras my last class was very intermingled race/ethnicity/school-culture-group wise, this group self segregated immediately. I sense a challenge, but I've got a good feeling it'll ultimately end in success. They also seem more likely to go along with the workk load. We'll work on creation myths this week. Give them some artsy stuff to do right off the bat. Rad.

AAAAnd, I repotted the new lemon tree. He's doing very well. I also repotted the little flowering guy I bought a few weeks ago and later, depending on how long the washing machine adventure part deux takes, I'll get some of my creepers in a pot and take them to school. I've been so busy I keep forgetting to get some greenery in my classroom. R. is student of the week. Maybe we'll name the plant Stalone after his nickname.

Oh, and all the expelled kids came back today for second chance. I got a new one in my 7th period. They call him "Snuggle Bunny." You don't need to be in education long to know that spells trouble. At the very least, this kid ought to yield some good stories. Oh what the future holds...

A Rant, that's all.

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:07:59 GMT

So,
Here's the background for the first thing:
1. Students have two weeks IN CLASS to do a project. I am clear that it is due TUESDAY even though I'll be on a field trip for part of the day.
2. Daily, we practice various scenarios in which the last lines are always "and is your project still due on Tuesday?" "Yes." The only exception to this rule is death. Even temporary death and then revival means you still have to turn in the project. EVEN IF YOU SEE THE LIGHT BEFORE YOU COME BACK TO EARTH!!!
3. I go on field trip.
4. I come back to school after field trip and only a third of my projects have been turned in. *shock*
5. I give zeroes to all project-lacking students.
6. The next day the students tell me that the sub, a math teacher in our building, told them not to turn in the projects (NOTE: "Turn in projects" was the first thing on the agenda I left for the sub to follow. It was written on the bloody chalkboard!).
7. I resolve to stand my ground because the students knew better. I even saw some of them after school, asked if they turned in their projects and when they told me "uh... no." (with no further explanation) I told them they'd better get it to me by the time I leave for the day. None of them came back.
8. The next day, the math teacher woman thing calls my classroom phone FOUR TIMES during a midterm I'm giving to tell me various stories about what happened. In the first version, she told them not to leave the projects on my desk because she was afraid "something would happen to them." (NOTE: PROJECTS ARE ALL CONTAINED IN MANILLA FOLDERS.) To which my answer was two part: a, how did I still receive a third of the projects? and b: why didn't they then place the projects in my mail box? And then there was the unspoken third part, which was: Why the f-ing hell didn't you just hold on to the projects and give them to me later? You KNEW I was on the field trip and you KNEW I'd be back within a few hours.
9. As the next 48 hours wear on, the math teacher's story gets better. Instead of gross negligence of lesson plans and who the hell knows what else, she begins a sob story about how she was so scared to take the projects from the students because she didn't want to LOSE THEM!!!! ARe you fucking kidding me?!?!? We are teachers. Half of our lives are spent shuffling papers around and NOT LOSING THEM. If you are unsure of your abilty to take something out of a child's hand and put it on a desk, then you are utterly unqualified to do your job. And to drive a car, and carry paper currency, and breathe. Among other things.
9.b. The day after the projects were due, I tell the students that I'm not going to take their LATE work for full credit. We go through the whole rigamarole about who knows what's due in class? (students do) and who knows when their work is due (students do) and who knows how much the work matters and how much the deadline is absolute (students do) and so whose responsibility is it to make sure their work gets in on time?!!? ...... ahem... My compromise is to take their work for half points. I tell them if they have issue with this or think this is unfair, they need to see me immediately after class. Mind you, this is before all of the mutations of the math teacher's story are complete. Anyway, NO ONE comes to see me after class.

10. Now the backlash comes. A third of my class is crying "UNFAIR!" because they did not get an extra day to turn in their projects. Some of them drove to school sick to drop them off, others skipped lunch, waited til the sub was gone and then turned in their work, others missed their rides and walked home so they could get the project into the office after school. Another 50% of my class is bitching and moaning because the math teacher told them not to turn in their papers. (again, my mind is saying "and you seriously thought she made sense?! What the hell? Who is the boss of our class, me or some moron with a bad dye job?") And the remaining 17% did not even do the project so they didn't really care. The crazy part is that most of the kids aren't telling me this, they are telling other teachers/guidance counselors/vice principals.
11. Then the parent phone calls start, more or less echoing the kids. One phone call lasted 45 minutes, even after I agreed to take the kid's work at full credit in the first 10 minutes of the call.

I hate being discredited like this. I think that the math teacher is just making shit up to cover the kids, but on the other hand, she was such a moronic (and I'm not using this word lightly here) flake when I was in high school, that in many ways, I'm not surprised. Because she kept changing her version of what she told the students, I had to keep changing my stance. And i DO NOT want to get a reputation of a deadline pushover. That will make my life miserable in future years. Oh I am so fucking annoyed! How is this woman even a teacher? Oh, and today she interrupted my midterms AGAIN to talk to me about it. Here's what she had to say "I don't even take cell phones from kids who use them in my class because I don't want to be responsible for them." That's a school policy! So not only is she undermining my class, she's undermining what the school does and thinks is important.
I despise people like this.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

In other news, one of the highlights of the semester change is that my semester class gets to do the course evals. This is just about the best entertainment I can afford.

responses vary from "I hate you class cuz i had to work every week" to "Youre class was cool but don't change nothing because i want next semester's people to have to work as hard as we did to keep their grades up." to the inevitable eval along these lines: "Man I know I failed, but you a cool teacher. An I liked this class for real even though it was alot of work cause you a cool teacher though. I mean you let us talk about stuff and you actually listened so that's cool.And don't worry about what them other people in this class say cauze you cool and this class is to."

And it got me thinking about how I wish I could write some of my own evals of students. Some of them would go like this (names changed as per FERPA requirements):

Dear Zach, you are a really smart guy. If you didn't try so hard to look like you weren't trying, you would have gotten an A both quarters. It's alright for you to be smart-- in fact, enjoy it because you have a gift not many people have. Don't hide that! I'm hoping all the best comes your way.

or

Dear Viken, you are an annoying bastard. I know you think it's cute every day when I see you second period and you say "oh man, now I can't cut 4th," but it's really just a very lame joke. Also, eventually in life, complaining about having to do your work yourself will catch up with you and if you're not ready to either start graciously accepting the results of your laziness or stop being so lazy, you're going to have rough times ahead. Pull your head out of your ass; Your 504 plan (which you don't need anyway and you know it) is going to disappear when you graduate.

or

Aiknh,You are one of the most thoughtful people I've ever had in class. We would have really benefitted if you had shared your thoughts more openly, yet I understand why you would remain quiet. People might not give you as hard a time when you speak if you spoke more often-- and maybe when they stop reacting in shock that you broke your silence, they'd be able to hear all of your wonderful ideas. If you'd ever like to be a teaher's aide, my door is open.

and it goes on and on and on.

I have been jazzed about my job for the past two weeks besides this math teacher/project incident. I'm seeing real progress with many of my "worst" kids-- which is something I missed on on when I was on a block schedule. I've got kids coming for after school help who earlier I couldn't get to come to class. I've got R and E and other R able to stay seating almost 90% of the time they're supposed to sit. J is already working on sophomore curriculum and other J is starting to finally see that he's not just a thug; he's SMART. K has started to change from ideas of community college to ideas of going to SCAD for graphic design and keeps coming for ways to improve his skills to get into college. ON academic team, J is talking; D and JJ don't fight as much and M started to come more regularly.

There's victory all over the place. Unfortunately, victories don't inspire parents to call or vice principals to invite you into their offices for a chat.

This job is so thankless, but it's an addiction in many ways. For me it is, at least. Once I start getting results, I push and push and push. Secretly, I want all my kids to EARN, truly earn A's in my class. It cracks me up that I want my kids to achieve so much and yet I have a rep as being a "for real" teacher (that's a hard teacher who expects 100% effort and works their students every single minute of each class period-- according to D.E. in 6th period)

sigh.

well i feel better for having ranted. Now I think it's time to load up on carbs and pass out on the couch.

Do i have to?

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 02:12:10 GMT

Dear mom,
I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Can you call me out sick? Or send a note to the nurse? If you don't, I'll just fake a temperature and then you'll have to come pick me up anyway, so let's just do this the easy way. What do you mean, "no"? Come on, I barely had a break. Yes, I did go to Boston. I know I had ten days off of school, but that wasn't enough. Why? Because it was busy and I only read one book and I have stuff to do. I want to clean the basement and paint more. Besides, I didn't do all the school work I had over break. Can you blame me? And Chris is still off work til Friday and that's not fair. Yes, I know life isn't fair. But look, you could do a lot right now to help make it *more* fair-- it's like taking a little of the evil, bad part of life away and replacing it with good, glorious light. Think about it, mom. I'll be here waiting for your final verdict.

Lola's making bread on my upper thigh

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 01:11:25 GMT

We finally got a substantial snowfall. I walked to school in a real live squall and there wasn't a single set of footprints anywhere yet. And only one set of tires. It reminded me of all the late night walks I'd take in Oxford, especially sophomore and junior years. The streetlights were still on and the ones in this neighborhood are a glowy orange (Link, you'd like them) so the whole blanket of snow was like glittery bronze embers. Even when I got to the main road, the plows hadn't been through yet, so rather than slush, there was just more slightly-less-white snow. I came into the building with snow stuck to one side of my body and in my eyelashes and hair. Sure, snow may become despicable by February and by April, I'll rue the day I left Southern Ohio, but right now, I'm enjoying the blustery sparkle.

EArlier this evening I went out to shovel (all powder--quite easy) and could hear myself sitting in my parents' kitchen in high school, telling my mom how grateful I was when people shoveled their sidewalks and how when I have my own house I'm gonna remember what it's like to walk home and I'm always going to shovel my sidewalk. Of course, when you're really there and it's 24 degrees outside before the wind chill and you just shoveled the whole damn driveway, it's easy to want to skimp on the sidewalk. So I had retroactive gratitude for all those folks who shoveled for me the past 10 years or so and cleared the sidewalk too. It felt like I was moving snow around for myself. Like pay it backward or something. Then I did the neighbor's sidewalk too. =) The goal is to always do theirs too. Check back with me in May to see if that actually happened.

The weather bone is aching again, so I'm predicting more snow. I'm trying to figure out how far in advance my bone predicts weather. Still not quite sure. Seems like I can feel it about 2-4 days in advance, which is crazy. I should keep track and figure it out as exactly as I can. Because that's what cool people do with their free time.

Another thought: Family is crazy. You can say all kinds of harsh truths about your own family members, but when outsiders point out the same true things, you want to defend your fam. Sometimes to the point of wanting to deck the outsider. Why is that? Along similar lines, I'm worried about one of my sibs. What may seem like "older sister railing against the pampering parents are wont to do" is really a serious concern for his well being. Especially because of what I see happening or rather how other people perceive him. I'm protective, even if I know it's all true. And I wish my parents knew the diservice they are doing... And even more so I hope it's not too late to repair.

I wish he knew the nature of my concern.... everything.

ALSO, School has been pretty darn good. I've been after school with babies til 5:30 on friday, 4:30 yesterday and 4/;15 today. I'm allowed to leave at 2:40 to give that some perspective. But it doesn't feel like a chore. That's how I can tell I'm hitting my groove. Because it's a good day, you know? And Friday, I was back up at the school for a b-ball game to cheer on my boys (I have 5 on varsity!) and then back at 7:30 again on Saturday for the a-team tournament. Some days this feels too good to really be my job. =) and my freshmen are turning sophomores! You have no idea how INCREDIBLE that feels unless you've actually turned some freshmen into sophomores. And I hope some day you get to fight that battle. It's like breaking a horse, except there are thirty horses and you only get 42 minutes a day to do it. And you have to grade the horses' piss poor essays and teach them how to write wicked pissa essays. While you're breaking them. The thirty horses. Yeah.

I'm warm for the first time in 3 days. WOOT!

okay I gotta grade. I am not very good at writing anymore; I need to do this more often.

HOLY CARP!

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 20:18:16 GMT

Today:
***Found out I have to proctor OGT retakes while my first and third period classes sit in a STUDY HALL ALL WEEK. Oct 23-27. Because instruction of the children is not important...

***Tutored a kid who has been in America for 5 weeks (from Slovakia) on the reading part of the OGT. He needs his translator thing every three words or so. And I have to get him so he can pass. Oh yeah, and he's a senior, so he only has this chance and March to pass. Luckily he's really receptive to tutoring.

***Took a career compatibility test with my juniors today. My highest score was in agriculture, food and natural resourceds. Followed by something in the arts, followed by hospitality and tourism. Education was fourth. What should this be telling me? hahhahahaha.

*** During aforementioned tutoring (to which two children showed up) I recieved a phone call FROM THE POLICE to say that my house had been broken in to. Don't panic. I got there, they searched the house, nothing was stolen and no one was inside. Just the back window had been opened. There is an unlikely chance that Lola managed to do it, but we keep that room closed off, so I don't know what happened. Washing a boatload of dishes, and a strong Irish coffee are helping my chillax.

*** Right after the police left my house, it started to SNOW. Hard, big flaky snow. Not long (read: 10 min or so) but enough to get one's attention. And now it is bright and sunny outside. That's one thing I love about Cleveland. Sure it's cold as balls sometimes, but damn is it sunny up here. Esp. compared to West Chester/Ohio River Valley area.

*** This weekend I want to drink tea by the barrel-ful and read a ton and listen to Prarie Home Companion and watch Rebel Without A Cause (as I have never seen it). And fully 100% catch up on grading.

*** I have tomorrow off, thank heavens!

*** Book thirteen of the Lemony Snicket series comes out tomorrow too. WOOHAH!!!

That's all for now. Send your love

xoxox.
helen

Recommendation

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 22:29:33 GMT

I highly recommend watching the ok go treadmill video on youtube.com. It's quite the entertainment of which I never become tired (jme, you're right, it's on its way out -- those silly prepositions). Anyhow. Watch it if you haven't yet. search ok go and treadmill. Brilliant. And it kind of reminds me of choreography that nate would have come up with if that one guster video he started filming at unisix had ... 6 treadmills lying about. Man, I keep hearing that song by the way. we should get together and finish that video sometime. Whatdya say, Link?

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 03:21:29 GMT

It's refreshing to know my favourite band has a well written blog. Well, Tommy's entries are well written anyway. Oh they are so fine. Anyone wanna go on October 10th in Columbus? It's a school night, sure, but you only live once, right? And like the little suckers really wanna learn... That's what movies are for. (ahhahhahahaa)

bUT SERIOUSLY, anyone want to go?

Also, Dar, we were on the road ALL DAY driving Chris's grandpa back to a rendezvous point south of Columbus and back, and I would have called but I forgot to put your new number in my phone. Bad helen. Can I have your new address? YOu need mail.

Tomorrow I plant the daffodil bulbs. They are, I think, my real favourite flower. Oh hell, I like anything I get, but they are so sunny. Whitman, you knew what you were talking about.

Oh yeah, and that Philip Seymore Hoffman look alike phone salesman jackass on Rockside Road can kiss my ass. For the record. And if that doesn't make sense to you, don't worry about it.

On the plus side, I now have the coolest ringtone ever created. mwahahhaaha

I almost drank a hornet about 2 minutes ago and I feel like gagging.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:23:16 GMT

Aside from that, living is grand. Reason for the update is that I went whitewater rafting with Chris, Zachy, Vanessa, Juice, Seth, Nick and Katie yesterday in Ohiopyle Park in Pennsylvania and boy was it a grood time! Though our nerves were quaking at first by another "Zach Con" wherein we, all lacking any experience in rafting or kyaking, were signed up for intermediate level rafting with no guide in our boat. The consensus: we're gonna die.

However, Class Three (the scale goes from 1-5) rapids were just right for us and maybe after another go around, I'd want to try class four. Definitely.

Hightlights were the three German men in wetsuits, singing row row row your boat in rounds and filling up the river valley with our voices, losing my oar twice (doh!), seeing a kid I student taught in Ross, Ohio and rafting beside him for half the day, the beautiful scenery, the rush, the physical exertion and tiredness afterwards. The hard, long nights sleep when we got home.

Spending time with those 7 people is so refreshing and fun. They're smart and funny and relaxing to be around. What a great way to spend a Saturday. Next month, we're going to get a cabin in Hueston Woods. And some time we'll do Hocking Hills (is that right Dar? you'll have to give us some suggestions on where to go there).

Fantastico! I feel so just plain good right now (all day, really) and can't make myself focus on the pile of grading I need to finish by tomorrow. Oh and I should probably come up with some lesson plans or some junk. Hahah. Hope you all are doing well. Keep in touch!

Status Report

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 15:25:12 GMT

This is actually going to be a morale booster for me although it will just look like a list of chores. Feel free to skip on down your friends page.

We've got a tentative phone number that coordinates with our address and it will be turned on tomorrow (whee!)
All of the rooms that needed to be painted are painted. The master bedroom needs another touch up coat to make sure the neon orange of yore is fully covered. Otherwise, it's almost finished.
One of the floors is fully scrubbed. The dance room and master bedroom still need scrubbed. So do the:
stairs up
kitchen
hallway
stairs to basement
both bathroom floors

Woosh.

BUT
aside from obsessive compulsive touch-up with a tiny paint brush that could help, the painted rooms look great. I'll put before and after pictures up in the next few weeks and boy I wish I had packed the digital camera to document the many types of wall paper that were up.

Today I slept until almost 10am and still feel tired. My hands are swollen and callused and there is a strange blister on one of my toes. But when I look at that house, it feels good to know that I DID IT. The family has been great about coming in the evenings to help for a few hours. Without them it would have been pretty demoralizing- and even with their help, there are days that I'm there from morning til dinner thinking it will never end. When Chris comes with the furniture tomorrow, though, the house will be filled with our stuff and it will feel more like a home and best of all, it will be must harder to see all the spots that could still use a little more work. Screw that. We have the rest of our lives to touch up and sand down and all that nonsense. I'll be paying off that house longer than I'll be teaching. I think I can stand to put some of the work off for now.

So my goal is that by the end of today the house is furniture-ready and clean. I want you to fall over from the pine sol fumes. But seriously, dude, this house rocks. And we'll have three guest beds. So come on over. =)

Time to hit the floors, baby!

T'was a clever but very dirty title here and am worried a student will read it so i took it down =(

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 04:23:24 GMT

Okay two things real quick:

1- I bit Lola on the ear today and she deserved it.
2- Despite badish reviews, Lady in the Water was pretty good. Suspension of disbelief and a captivating style of story telling that aren't uncommon in M. Night Shaymalan's films did it for me. I can see why critics would criticize, but its originality made it a treat. And Giamatti is crazy good. This is one of very few films in which I truly felt for the characters and am sitting here at home wondering about them, not in the "how does the story end, I need closure" sense but in the "I hope my friends are okay" sense. I would like to see their babies and what they eat for breakfast tomorrow. Critics be damned!

Third thing:
3- We're pretty much for sure going to close on our house MONDAY! Which means bye bye Cincinnati! (!!!!) (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 15:19:54 GMT

Lola is pulling the tape off of the packed boxes as I log in.

Anyway, life's been pretty good lately. Samantha's wedding was Friday-- she was more than radiant and it was a beautiful wedding. Watching someone get married and going to the after-party is so different than doing it. And so different once you are married as opposed to going when you're not. It's like you understand what's happening better. And the vows aren't just words the couple exchanges- they're reminders of your own promises but they carry more weight now than when you say them the first time because you have lived through many if not all of them. Hard to explain.

We're probably going to close on the house in the next week. Now that more of our apartment is boxed up and the walls are bare, I'm starting to want to just get rid of everything we have and go ultra minimalist. Once it's all spread through the house, I'm guessing the effect will be much like this half-packed apartment. Then the tricky part will be to not acquire more stuff for the rest of our lives. Ha. But really, I think I'm going to go through my stuff again and see what I can purge. Oh sentimental value, why are you such a bitch!

The visit home ended with a game of Risk with John, all three of my brothers and Chris (why am I always the only girl when a game of Risk is played?) and had a damn fine time. I'm looking forward to playing more of that when we move north and have more people to play with.

If I haven't told you yet, I got my new class schedule and found out I'll not have to travel at all. !!! I'll probably share my room with a teacher who'll be in there during my lunch and plan bell. She sounds like a sharp witted nice person (cross your fingers). How grand to get out of the tension in our department at Northwest! Escape!

This has been a pleasant diversion. Now I must pack more boxes before it gets too hot outside. adios

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 13:13:52 GMT

So I'm watching Condi Rice on the news this morning and ... I miss Colin Powell.

Ipod game quiz thingamadoo

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 15:45:26 GMT

Official Game Rules
1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer to the questions below.

My Answers
1.) How am I feeling today? "Take Me Out"- Franz Ferdinand (dude, I just txt Chris saying I wanted to go out for pizza and ciders!)

2.) How do I feel about getting married? "A Good Day to Be Alive" - Ben Taylor Band XOXO

3.) What is my best friend's theme song? "The Middle" - Jimmy Eat World (the two people I most associate with this song are Lisa, Jon Bailey and my brother Jack. So three people then.)

4.) What is/was highschool like? "Oye Como Va" - Santana (figures it's a song with a title I can't translate. Evan gave me this on one of the first mixes he made me in high school though.)

5.) What is the best thing about me? "Unsent" -Alanis Morrisette (tell me what this means)

6.) How is today going to be? "Loola Loo" - Keb Mo

7.) What is in store for this weekend? "Here Comes the Breeze" -Gomez

8.) What song describes my parents? "Say yes" -Elliott Smith (haha! I was always trying to get them to say yest to something)

9.) How is my life going? "True Love Ways" - Buddy Holly (all these love answers are so mushy. pukey. I mean cute)

10.) What song will they play at my funeral? "Sherry Frasier" (aka "I saw Stars") - Marcy Playground. (that would be pretty cool. download it.)

11.) How does the world see me? "War on War" - Wilco (hmmmm)

12.) What do my friends really think of me? "Nervous Tension" - Lemmon Jelly (woah again)

13.) Do people secretly lust after me? "Akehlulek Ubaba" (translated as "with god everything is possible" - Ladysmith Black Mambazo HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH so either only Africans lust after me or it will take the hand of God to make lust after Helen possible. hahahahahHAHAAHA

14.) How can I make myself happy? "Kyrie" -Mr. Mister (chris put this on the ipod, not me. I know know this song. the next song would have been "Happiness" by Elliott Smith, so it's pretty simple, then.

15.) What should I do with my life? "Happiness" by Elliott Smith

16.) Will I ever have children? "Man of Constant Sorrow" - Soggy Bottom Boys (maybe not, eh?)

17.) What is some good advice? "Any Major Dude Will Tell You" - Wilco (but WHAT will he tell you?! ooh you'll have to listen to the song to find out)

18.) What do I think my current theme song is? "Lux Aeterna" - Mozart (from the requiem mass. Oh so dark. and interesting. It's really makeing me think.)

19.) What does everyone else think my current theme song is? "The Lengths" -Black Keys

20.) What type of men/women do you like? "California" - Joni Mitchell (well, Chris, I guess you were always my only option. =) )

21.) Will you get married? "Sugar Magnolia" - Grateful Dead

22.) What should I do with my love life? "Parachute" - Guster hehee

23.) And if that doesn't work? "Junk" - Beatles (ouch)

24.) Where will you live? "Both Sides Now" - Joni Mitchell (this can only mean one thing: the lawsuit is such a big settlement that we buy a house in Cleveland and one in California and live on both sides of the continent. Tres Bon)

25.) What will your dying words be? "Cosmic Girl" - Jamiroquai (hahhahahahha)

I forgot I had changed my Ipod display to German and was flabbergasted when i first turned it on today. La Di Da Time to rough up some bankers. Peace, me hearties

And try to love the things you took

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 13:30:14 GMT

The last week has been full of reflection, discovery, renewal, and homemade stuffing. It's been a good week. See, it all started with deciding to back up my deadjournal entries from it's birth in 2001...no, it all started with hanging out with UNIFOUR again... no, it all started with reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac... no... it... well, it's here.

I don't know if i'm mentally alert enough to post and to adequately word all that i want to say, at least right now at 8am, so that will be a project for the rest of the day methinks. that and writing the 5 or 6 letters I've half-composed in my head. It's a good grey day for writing. I can't write well in the sunshine.

Anyhow, one of the most crucial connections I made was between what I was and what I am and how i got here. And any of you who know me basically at any point during my sophomore year of college will understand better. And those of you who knew me before college or early freshman year will understand even more. writing it down will be the herculean task i was talking about yesterday

(aside) after breakfast with Terryl yesterday and three cups of coffee, I called Chris asking if he had any herculean tasks he needed accomplished because I felt I could take them on. What ended up happening was just the scrubbing of the bathroom tiles and tub and a killergood dinner. (end aside)

In the mean time, thanks to darling bennett, i've been listening to a lot more Regina Spektor (read: this is the only music I listened to yesterday) and the song "On the Radio" grew on me like lichen. Check out this bit, it's so perfectly true:

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

Oh man oh man, isn't that just perfect? And it coincides with everything that's been bombarding my poor little brain for the last many days. It's something too few people want to acknowledge too- that love first needs to be something you make and do in yourself and that giving it away is a risk, true, but not the big scary life-ending slice-your-wrists kind of tragedy when it doesn't go the way you want it do. All you can do is hope "it don't get harmed" and that's all you have power over.

And the best is the last line. For too long I didn't want to acknowledge that it's okay to keep loving and it's okay if the love doesn't end perfectly. I guess subconsciously I thought the rule was that once the love gets harmed you've got to throw it all away and mope for about three years and then pick up the pieces. The problem was that even though i thought that was the rule, i didn't live by it. so then there's this slight twinge of guilt-- like how could I possibly love, no, LOVE as many people as i do? How is it possible to move along and do it again and not fight or die or slice my way back?

Where'd I get the notion that it wasn't okay to love lots of people differently and the same all the time no matter what happens? It's quite liberating. And if you asked me if i thought I needed to give myself permission to love, I would have said you were crazy, that it doesn't work that way. But now permission is granted and I can embrace it all.

Sorry if this is so ambiguous, I'll try again when I'm more mentally awake.

On a side note, it's now 8:28am and there are two old guys sitting on their porch across the way, looking at the lake and drinking beers. That makes me very happy.

For Posterity's Sake

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 22:57:34 GMT

One of the only times I'll gush about meeting a celebrity (and he's a mild one at that)...

I met Tom from Gomez after their concert on Saturday. Among other things, he said he enjoyed watching me dance from up on stage (me=front row, center) which was meaninful to be because a) I spent lots of time on lessons to be a dancer and rarely utilize this skill and b) I'm still quite gimpy with the knee and have been a hobbling fool for the last three weeks. So yeah, I have been following this band since the summer of 1998 and finally met one of the guys, leaving me with a natural high lasting several days.

It was fantastic. And can I tell you that one of the best feelings is making a British guy laugh his musical British laugh and joking about his bare feet and the bridges in Cleveland and oh dang he sings the best song in the world and I love chris for making me buy the t-shirt so now I have a memento of this very cool day.

For fear of sounding like a raging psychopath, I'll have to write the full verison of our conversation on my spiral bound journal because you know, I'm sure you guys don't want to hear every comment and pithy remark, but me... well I sure as heck want to hang on to this memory.

GAHHHHH! so cool!

Restless in West Chester

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 17:57:53 GMT

I'm slowly going out of my mind. Not working and not being able to move normally is starting to take a serious toll on my well-being. I think I may become an alcoholic just so there's something to do. I spend so much time on school all school year that I don't know what to do with myself without it. ON top of that, the things I normally do in the summer (work out, take dance classes, go for long walks, lay outside and read) I can't do because of my knee. Thank goodness for Lola otherwise I'd really be in bad shape. Once again, existence is in a weird suspended state. Can't pack because we still have to live here, can't move yet, can't dance, can't sit around gah! I already made a cake, cupcakes, pasta salad gigantico, blended margaritas and a homemade pizza in the last 24 hours. Two trips to Kroger... bugh. I'd clean more if I could get down on my knees to do it. gahhhhhhh. Okay I need to vent and need to just be up north with my family and friends so there's more to do. Thanks. Bye.

Home sweet house

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 21:02:45 GMT

It's been an exciting week so far in Helen Lindsay land. We just faxed in a second bid on the most lovely house I've ever bid on. It's got so much character and there's a room that was built into the house as a wine cellar (don't know why we didn't put that one together ourselves the first time we saw it) so now we have even more reason to become real collectors. At the very least, that bottle we bought on our honeymoon (to be opened on our five year anniversary) will have a place to call home until 2010. The more I think about this, the more it seems like our basement would actually be a good place to experiment with making our own wines some day. Lots of open space to do with what we please. OOOh! We should make a darkroom!!! Even better. Oh man, the brilliant brainstorming going on right now. Frager was right about the crucible of composition.

In other news, I'm getting really excited about the Gomez concert on Saturday. It's getting easier for me to stand and walk around too, so depending on how physical therapy goes this week, you may even witness a helen dancing about like a crazy fool. Or a mildly epileptic mongoloid.

And now for a question which I invite you to throw in your opinions: I've been hearing/seeing lots of people lately talking about planning their families and the importance of producing no more than 2 viable offspring citing reasons like population control, finances, stress, careers, etc. I understand that my point of view on the matter is influenced by the family of five from which I come to you today, but I find the whole "no more than two or you're part of the problem" thing rather offensive.

If the population problem is so bad, wouldn't it be more logical to let the old people with incurable diseases or debilitated bodies just die without expending so much time and money and energy to keep them alive and in comfort when they are no longer contributing to the common good?

On top of that, how much harm is being caused by good parents who raise more than two kids? If you are a responsible parent and raising hard-working, socially conscious children, aren't you essentially helping the well-being of the general populus and even counter-acting some of the damage done by people bleeding the system of its resources without paying in?

It's ironic that as Chris and I look for a house that will accomodate three or four future children, I'm inundated with blurbs saying that this line of thought is socially irresponsible and financially foolish. Curious as to what ya'll think.

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 22:57:36 GMT

chris and i saw this wedding thing on msn so we watched 'how to make your wedding complete' or some nonsense. we watched the 5 minute video thing and then he turns to me and says oh no monk, what was our motif? did we even have one? and i said "yeah- cheap" and he said "or polish" and he said isn't the point to have fun? and i said yeah. and then we cooked sausage for dinner. it was like so fun. that was my ENTIRE day. the end. bye

witching hour

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 07:42:09 GMT

I havent been able to keep my old hours since teaching started (like...junior year of college, not my job) but tonight I'm awake at three in the morning, waxing poetic in my mind and committing nothing of it to paper. Chris is sleeping on the couch and after tomorrow, I'll be free for the summer. I've spent much of today in tears over leaving my job and have never felt so ripped away from anything in my life. I think of the kids I'm not going to see graduate and the kids who still need help and the excellent teachers I still want to work with. I see how shitty the administration -- some of the administration is and for as hard as that's been, I also know a big change is on the horizon, waiting behind the skyline to puff itself big enough to cover everthing. Lately many of the concepts in my head have been illustrated by something stretching across the sky I wonder why that motif comes and if signifies smothering or tremendous growth. I'm not sure. So anyway this has given more perspective to my life. And I am even more baffled that parents can leave their own children. Any loss or sadness seems to reveal another facet of life to me and for that I am thankful. Still, when it passes, I'll be ready to move on.

Have I ever explained my ideas? How they come in pictures and shapes, wide abstractions and moving forms that don't correspond -usually- to things that exist in the known world. Even simple thoughts like "I need to brush my teeth before bed but don't feel like it" or "The cup is empty." They are beautiful pictures but I can't show them to anyone. It's lonely sometimes, to think that I can't show anyone what I'm thinking as it comes. Maybe that's why I get so stuttery. Oh I wish you could see this.

And the real reason for this post is that tonight I rediscovered Gomez, and reaffirmed how much they are my favourite band. Nothing else has the effect on me that they do and has music perfect for any mood or when you're so emotionally drained that you just need to exercise a series of pictoralemotionthoughts to bring some balance back. The new album is fantastic and they are coming to Cleveland in July at the Ampitheatre. I will buy a ticket tomorrow and maybe this time meet them. This is such an abmormal thing for me to be into a band and so enthusiastic about them... mostly it's just the complacent detachment for the entertainment industries. Not this time. I burned a new mix to take as I pack up the very last box tomorrow and add in any last minute extra credit.

This headache has been here for 4 or 5 days. I don't know what's up there that needs to be cleaned out.

And jared, I have three word/picture puzzles that I need help figuring out. When will you be back in town?

Goodnight babies. I love you.

Damn it feels good to be a Papist.

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 23:53:51 GMT

So the Classical music station played that song from Henry V (Kenneth Brannaugh sp? version) that the dudes sang after the battle of Agincourt. I had to have been somewhere between ages 7 and 9 when my parents watched that movie all the time. I was mostly into the courtship scene and the battle scene because they were easy to get, even for a little kid. Anyhow, that song just is so calming and pumps me up when I think of Henry and his speeches and his Catholicism just tromping through the mud and kicking ass. Damn it feels good to be a Papist.

Pride, dude.

=)

love your gov

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 22:39:56 GMT

I was studying up to do my taxes and in a real-live government publication. Basically, I'm comparing married filing jointly with married filed separately and I read these words:

Kidnapped child. A child may qualify you to file as head of household even if the child has been kidnapped. For more information, see Publication 501.

Okay there are two ways to read this: the sad way in which a child has been stolen, and the following, which was my first thought:

If kidnapped children count and you actually file that, does the FBI automatically come to your house? And either way, if kidnapped kids count, so should my cat. Technically I kidnapped her from the wild, no? AND if I were an accountant trying to get some millionaire to lower her taxes, would it be in her best interest to kidnap a few runaways, keep 'em fed, clothed and educated until they're 19 and then release them? Seems like in that case it's a huge write off and she's doing some kind of philanthropy.

I dunno, when it occurred to me like that, the image was hilarious.

In good news, I can claim my expenses, which almost top my income!

Couldn't make this one up

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 00:56:56 GMT

Okay so we're driving chris to work today and this is what we see on the side of the road:

bwahhahahhahahahah

fin.

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 03:48:25 GMT

For Dar:

Name Ten Things that bring you joy:
1. cooking (especially culinary adventures)
2. UNISIX
3. petting Lola
4. Dance!
5. Writing Letters and actually mailing them
6. OUTSIDE.barefoot.
7. When people are smiling and talking at the same time.
8. Coming to an understanding about something, anything... just that "oh! I get it!" moment.
9. playing along with the music (can I tell ya, Janis Joplin or just my guitar, or figuring out songs ((with Dar! Outside!)) or the calluses, or the harmonies and singing, or answering machine messages, or making up my own lyrics)
10. and Monk of course

AND GETTING OFF MY MEDICINE AND BEING HELEN AGAIN!!! WOOP WOOP!